My friends are busy. I’m not that close with family to message them randomly. I have no boyfriend. I don’t know why it feels like God won’t talk to me. I cry and cry but I don't feel His presence covering me even though I know that He sees me. I’m so tired of feeling lonely. Some days are okay but some days are extra painful that I feel like I’m being killed from the inside. Some days I feel numb. The best days are the days that I have my joy pf salvation, but a triggering memory comes and suddenly I feel like God has left me again even though I know He didn't. I keep saying that I will fast but I keep on failing. I hate the way that I am - I feel defeated because my flesh seems to be winning over my spirit and it frustrates me so much and I am so tired and lonely.