My son is 5.5 weeks old. He spent 4 weeks in the NICU. I spent the same plus 7 days in the hospital before he was born.

I haven't gotten a night of sleep for months. I'm starting to hate him. I didn't get a chance to see him for 3 days after he was born. All my family got to see him and touch him first. The only time he doesnt cry is when my mom holds him.

I spent my entire pregnancy scrambling and working 16 hour days to be able to buy needed crap for him when he came home. As well as moving twice. First to leave his crap dad and then to a new house with my mom.

All he does is cry and gruggle. I'm still trying to pump since breastfeeding wasn't going well. My output is terrible. All I do is feed him change him wash bottles and pump just to turn around a d do it all over again. While in the 20 minutes he isn't crying or sleeping I'm trying to clean this pigsty house because my mom is incapable of cleaning after herself and try to study for nursing school so I don't have to be broke af for the rest of my shit life

I'm so done with all this crqp. I want to give him up for adoption but his crap father won't terminate rights so here I am trying to do all this on my own. Giving him to crap dad isn't an option he's a drug addict

I just want to sleep. And preferably never wake up again and never ever touch a breast pump again in mynlife

I'm not looking for anyone to tell me to get therapy or drugs they haven't ever works for me when I was depressed in the past just venting so I don't ounch a hole in the wall.

Fuck myy life. I pray multiple times a day for a massive tree to fall on my house and get me. Anything to stop this craptastic life