THE LAOTIAN TRUTH — March 2008 Edition

Vinh Trong Kim, Writer for the Saffron Release — A newly-established government-subsidized newspaper service that operates throughout the Thunder Dragon Empire and Her vassal states —

‘It has been no secret to the educated classes — that being all of Empire — that the interests of the Thunder Council lie within the uncompromised spaces within Asia, such as Burma, Tibet, Bengal, and the newest gem rumored to be placed on the humble throne of the Druk Gyalpo; Vietnam. A nation that has only just recently degenerated to decadent western anarchy led by a Catholic king, who situates his seat of power only inwardly to the southernmost portion of the Viet. The Catholic king — Vinh Son — has declared his state an effective hermit kingdom, with no intention of reclaiming the now-warlord socialist gangs that terrorize the poor countrymen in the north.

Though the devolution of the once-honorable Vietnamese state is recent news, the plans of the Thunder Cabinet to occupy portions of the majority-Buddhist Viet are not; a plan is put in place for all regions within Asia, it is rumored, in case such a situation occurs as it has in Vietnam. Many representatives of the Druk Gyalpo in Thimphu have gone so far as to already declare the regions surrounding Luang Prabang as duchies of the Thunder Dragon mantle, citing that the old leaders of the Monastic State of Laos would be more than glad to step in and accept the Vietnamese mandate from the Bhutanese Emperor. With this claim made, we at the Release decided to assign one of our reporters to visit Luang Prabang for an interview with a major monastic of the area, U Mya.

“As far as we are concerned, Laos is liberated from the short-lived socialist state which unlawfully occupied our land, thieved our produce, stole away our women, and raped the countryside with democratic propaganda which has poisoned the mind of tens of thousands within our humble borders.”

Mya has seen upwards of thirty-five years of Laotian history, and is no stranger to oppression under the socialist Vietnamese regime. The monastic reported to the Release that many of his fellow monks had disappeared from the monasteries, either to flee the colonial socialist regime or to leave the order and join anti-Vietnamese guerilla militias to fight against their oppressors.

“Such stories have never been released to the public until now… Simply because the Viet papers had a stranglehold on any and all media consumption that came out of Laos. I know many who have gone missing, or who turned up in communist newspaper headlines, strung up like cattle, and declared ‘Enemies of the Revolution'. It was heartbreaking; to see my very sangha corrupted and slaughtered by forces of evil such as the socialist devil.”

Upon being asked by reporters as to whether the presence of Thunder Dragon representatives would help in repairing the impaired Laotian community, Kai responded by stating that almsgiving is a necessary rite in the teachings of Buddha, and kindly requested that the matter not be addressed again, as the answer provided ‘Enough context for policy to be enacted respectfully and with little interference from the Laotian community'.

As it stands, the Thunder Dragon Empire has yet to reach the borders of former Vietnam, but it is almost assured that, as the urban Laotian monastacy has reportedly been given observer status within the Thudhamma Nikaya, Laos, and perhaps Vietnam, will come into the fold of the glorious Empire.