I've been addicted to porn since I was 14, so around 25 years. Didn't really realise until the last few years that it was a serious addiction and in that time I have experienced escalation. I hate it so much and love it at the same time. I feel like my brain is split in two. When I'm horny which is once or twice a day any idea about quitting goes out of the window. After I feel extreme disgust and hatred for myself and my mental health is the worst its ever been, I think about KMS almost every day, often multiple times a day, but don't think I will ever do it. I have no confidence or self esteem due to the way I was brought up, severe bullying in school and so many rejections trying to date over the years. I have had relationships but they always end up asexual for one reason or another. I don't know where to go from here. I am stuck in a cycle of badly wanting to stop and being disgusted with myself to relapsing basically every single day. Extremely depressed. Would really appreciate hearing from others who have had PA this badly and how they managed it. I kind of feel like it might be helpful for me to talk about it directly with someone who understands PA so I can get it off my chest and hopefully get some support but I don't know. I'm just spiralling so badly 😢