Ok so this is all still very new to me (43f)and even newer to my fiance (41m). Our 3rd is 32f. She has been in one other poly relationship before. Last night due to some insecurities on my part, we all sat down to talk after I got off of work. We discussed the insecurities and boundaries and such. Whenever I brought up something like kinda wanting my primary partner of 8 yrs to wrap his arms around me and hold tight bc it had been such a rough couple days. She (32f) and my fiance started talking about how it wasn't fair to her. When I asked her to please stop scratching his back in bed bc it would put him to sleep before he got around to stopping the backrubs (he likes to rub both of us down at the same time) he was giving to actually cuddle with me before falling asleep, I was again told I was being unfair to her. We originally entered this bc I wanted to explore my sexuallity more. Took the first 5 yrs of our relationship to talk him into giving it a try the last 3 searching for someone. Every time she does something to him or for him I get ripped into about how I don't do those things for him anymore. Is it wrong for me to expect her to fall in line with our family. Last night in bed I was trying to get a little make up playtime from arguing for a full day but bc she wanted a break from sex my fiance couldn't do anything either. Is it me or is she overstepping? I am so lost atm. I have wanted this for a long time. Now I am not sure if I was wrong about wanting this or if we just chose the wrong person to try it with. We have been seeing her for about a month and she is already talking about catching feelings. Saying I love you and talking about how much her kids and our kids have connected as well as her 2 (10m & 8f) have started calling my fiance dad. Help help help I feel like I am losing my mind. Any advice is welcome. Even if it is to tell me to cool my tits and roll with it. I could be making a bigger deal out of it than it is. But it has really started to make me uncomfortable!