I had a case of the rumblies and decided to march my happy ass into the kitchen. There's this soft loaf of bread in there that just beckons for sandwich making. I cracked open an egg, one of those jumbo bastards into a bowl and stirred it. I put it in the microwave. That's how I do it. I discovered that if you microwave an egg it comes out in a perfectly round little egg patty. While it was cooking, I grabbed a couple of slices of that good bread and tore open a mayonnaise packet from the condiment drawer. I like mayonnaise but I don't like a lot of mayonnaise, and I find that the packet is the perfect amount. I slapped that sumbitch together and went to sit down and eat it. I have a tendency from time to time to make an egg sandwich and then look up that scene on YouTube of Napoleon Dynamite where they're eating the egg sandwiches. It all seems very meta. The comment section has comments like "I'm eating an egg sandwich right now" and others are like "hey me too!" Those are my peeps. Now after talking about it so much I'm thinking about repeating the process. That's right, another egg sandwich.