Not happy Not sad But some mysterious third thing

I missed home a lot but the drive from ferry to mine Felt like it didn’t belong to me anymore I think the feeling of home is buried with you I miss you so much

But I cannot go back I have not yet found peace in this but it’s the truth I feel chained up Or like a crying baby abandoned by their parent in the other room I’m not sure where I belong anymore My friends feel distant I feel disengaged from my life

We might not have been perfect but we were stable I miss knowing love in it’s fullness like I did I miss showing it, it needs a home But I cannot imagine life without you I cannot imagine not pouring love into you it’s a foreign experience I feel like I’m in a foreign body Foreign Mind Foreign Home Betrayed by myself and my surroundings

Now I am home And it is riddled with its complexities but Not us Not you and me Cruel This whole thing is cruel I am cruel Hopefully for a reason

I feel riddled with confusion Hazey in my misunderstanding of myself

Life was rich before now it feels shallow

11/08/34 (back from uni and damn I’m empty like a shell)