Recently, I posted a personal ad on an r4r subreddit, and I received one message from a guy who surprised me because of his personal ad. I looked through his profile before I accepted his message request and found his r4r personal ad. In it, he stated he wanted someone who took care of themselves. Of course, that phrase set off alarm bells in my mind. I've always been overweight, and when I encounter men online who use that phrase, they always allude to wanting a thin partner. Before anyone says anything, I'm not shaming people who have preferences. Men's preferences are not the point of this post. Anyway, I accepted his request and expressed my concern about his preference. I told him I'm overweight and don't want a partner who will micromanage what I eat or how much I exercise. He said when he put that sentence in his personal ad, he meant he wanted someone who was hygienic and kept themselves clean. I don't know what to think about that response. It feels like a weak copout because I've never had anyone say something like that before. But I'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt too. Now, I think he read my personal ad, and the cleanliness thing wasn't to hide the fact he didn't. I believe he read it because I mentioned that I'm plus size in my personal ad, along with some other information, and he referenced some of the other information in his message. However, from my experience, the phrase, "takes care of themselves" has always meant about their weight. So, has my experience been abnormal? I'm doubtful my experience is uncommon because I've heard other plus-size women express the same issues. Another question is, do you think guys are unaware of how women, especially plus-size women, interpret that phrase? Or do you think most men know what they're doing when they say it, and maybe this experience was just a fluke?