My mom recently got out of the hospital about 10mins ago. I, along with my brother and my aunt (mom’s sister) have spent everyday since Friday, April 21st going back-and-forth to the hospital to visit my mom as she prepared for her surgery.

Since 2006 my mom has been battling mental health and heart complications. I was 12 and my brother was 7yrs old at the initial start of her health complications. Since 2006 our lives have never been the same and most of it has revolved around our mother and hear needs. Because of this my brother and I have always been considered “mature” for our ages because we’re the first line of action whenever our mom is going through her crises of year.

I feel bad talking about her like this because I know most of her struggles are out of her control but she’ll be 52yrs old this year and idk if I have much enthusiasm in my spirit to keep being the first line of action for her medical needs. Aside from her condition, her mental health is truly her biggest struggle. She’s bipolar and often times she’s very depressed/anxious.

She wants to work but every time she gets a job something happens. I’ll be 29yrs old (Taurus gang) in a few weeks, and all I can think about is running away! I’m not even sure if that’s possible at my big age but I digress. I have my own apartment and I’m doing pretty good for myself but I can’t seem to take care of myself . I have my own battles with depression and I often time neglect myself because I have to save the day for my family.

I start a new job next Wednesday and this week was supposed to be a week to myself but it’s since become about my mom and my brothers fiancé. This Thursday I’m driving to Pittsburgh so my brother and his fiancé mom can attend her graduation!!!! My brother and his fiancé are paying for everything like the car and hotel so I guess it’s not a big deal aside from the 6hr drive there and back !

Even when I’m not swamped with family obligations I don’t know how to do self car because I’m too busy being sad, depressed & lonely .