hey you,

I met someone recently and he told me he felt empty after everything. It was like waking up on a random day and every feeling is gone. I didn't take it personally because at the back of my mind I knew what we had was gonna end sooner or later anyway.

The funny thing is, it was like tricking my brain for a time so I'd forget about you but he reminded me so much of you. It was his smile. The first time I saw him smile, it was like staring at your reflection and it may sound exaggerated but suddenly my head couldn't function. I didn't know how to react to it or how to process the similarities I saw. I just stared at his face. That smile, how could I forget? Even on calls, sometimes I'd hear your voice on his and I know it's wrong but I'd pretend not to hear what he said so I get to hear the way you talk to me, again. It was scary but comforting in some ways. It was fun while it lasted. But that's not the point of this letter. I am thankful for that experience though it didn't last long because it gave me the closure I didn't know I needed. Don't worry, he knew about all this.

Days before new year, I found myself waking up thinking that life isn't so bad without you — it was like waking up on a random day and feeling nothing anymore. Finally, I have moved on from you. Two years, I've been loving you and punishing myself for things I didn't do but now, I don't mind not having you in my life. My heart doesn't hurt when thinking of a future that doesn't include you. It almost feels like I don't want you anymore. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being stuck, knowing very well that you have moved on.

You're free, Vic. Me too. And it's so liberating that now I can allow people to love me and I can allow myself to give love without looking for you first. I still wish you well and hope that you continue to win in life.

Thank you, for the love you taught me.

was yours, K