Hi!

I was gonna post this dun sa sub where we met, but I think hindi pala pwede yung ganitong post. I'm also not sure if you blocked me, so posting this has a 50/50 chance of you reading it, but I’ll still take that chance regardless.

We met here in reddit 7 months ago when I saw your post on a sub from 4 days ago. Sabi mo pa muntik mo na i-delete yung post mo bago pa ako makapag-message sayo pero nakalimutan mo lang. You said in your post that you were trying your luck, and I thought it was also luck for me to have found it—found you, because for a while, I never had anyone who understood me, someone with whom I could relate and be comfortable. I never expected I’d have that kind of connection with you. You were even the first person I ever interacted with here and I was really glad back then when I met you. 

Now, it’s been months since we last talked (like actually talked) and I still had hopes one day you’d talk to me again. Call me stupid or whatever because maybe I am. Kasi ewan ko bakit pagdating sayo, handa akong maghintay at magpaka-tanga. Pagdating sayo ang bilis kong bumigay, ang bilis lumambot ng puso ko. Remember when I said ako naman maghihintay sayo? I meant that. Masyado ko na ngang pinanindigan. I wanted to work things out with you, do and figure things out with you, regardless sa kung anong relationship man ‘yon.

I know in your post you were looking for “someone constant” or a “best friend”, but over time, I couldn’t help but feel that there was something more. To the point that it became so confusing to me. But that’s on me. I let myself feel things for you. You fed me with your consistent replies, messages, and updates. I don’t know if ganun ka lang ba talaga at sadyang nag-assume lang ako or maybe what I was feeling was true. But why leave me all of a sudden for no reason? Na parang kasalanan ko pa kung maramdaman kong binabalewala mo na lang ako. Tapos out of nowhere you messaged me again last week and when I replied, hindi ka na nag-message ulit. So ano yun? Joke ba yun? Wala na rin naman sigurong sense if I keep messaging you kasi hindi mo rin naman ako pinapansin. But don’t worry, I’m not gonna cut lines, I’m not gonna block you. Kasi kahit papaano, pinapahalagaan ko pa rin naman yung napagsamahan natin. Whatever that was. And if ever you decide to reach out again, panindigan mo naman sana.

Hindi ko na alam kung ilang “last” na yung nasabi ko sa sarili ko, but here I am, I wrote about and for you again. I do have a lot of questions in mind and things I wanna say. I’ll still miss you and think of you pero iki-keep ko na lang siguro ‘yon sa sarili ko.

I hope someday you find what you’re looking for. I hope that the next time you look for your “constant”, you’re also ready and willing to be one to them. I hope you don’t just disappear on them.