Hanggang kailan? Hanggang kailan ka mag m-move on? Alam ko gusto mo siya i message kahit mag iisang taon na tomorrow when you broke up with her to fix yourself.

Inayos mo ba sarili mo? Hindi diba? Instead, na distract ka. Pero sige iintindihin ko pa rin kasi nawalan ka ng mahal mo sa buhay. Sige..

Alam ko I'm being harsh sayo, at alam ko naman how you've done your best to survive those moments when you thought na di mo na kaya..

Ilang beses..Ilang beses kita nakita na halos ilang buwan ka nagkulong sa kwarto kasi you can't roam around sa sarili mong pamamahay dahil every inch of the house reminds you of your Father. How it felt like napagsakluban ka ng langit at lupa sa sobrang sakit, lungkot, dilim, lamig, at you curl yourself up just for comfort. Actually, sa sobrang sakit, minsan, natutulala ka na lang kasi you were so lost. Ilang beses mo sinubukan uminom, lumabas, at magliwaliw. Pero walang nangyari. You always end up crying every night just to make yourself asleep. How you felt you were alone dahil wala ka na ngang sunshine and you had plans for your life and father. Pero wala. Ayun.

At alam ko hanggang ngayon masakit. Kasi hinarap mo mag isa yun hanggang ngayon ng ikaw lang. At yes, thank you to those few friends and even your ex suitor who made you laugh and even accompany you anywhere. I am grateful. Thankful na dumating sila sa buhay ko kasi kahit papaano naibsan yung sakit. Kasi nararamdaman ko na di na ako nag iisa.

Tinulungan nila ko noong mga panahong I felt alone. When I had no one during my darkest time. Dahil rin sa kanila nakayanan ko unti unti mag open up and process myself.

At! You shouldn't associate that dark event in your life with your ex. Kasi you were there during her difficult times, but she wasn't? Girl, nakipaghiwalay ka remember? Also, wag mo na imessage pwede ba? Baka may bago na rin siya at masaya na siya. Respetuhin mo siya at yung partner nya. Kaya just speak out loud na lang your thoughts, and your feelings here.

Remember, she did her best to be by your side but she respected pa rin your decision. Wag ka magpadala sa galit sa mga nangyari. Sinubukan nya diba? Yung kumustahin ka every now and then. How she checks up on you and madr you feel na andyan lang sila ng mom nya.

Girl, she was there. She was there sa paraan na kaya at alam niya. Let go of that hatred, bitterness, and comparison. Let go of that pain.

Sobrang naging mabuti siya sayo. Mag iisang taon na and yung sakit na lang na she inflicted ang naaalala mo. How about the good ones? At parang wala kang pain na nainflict rin sa kanya ah? Minahal mo ng sobra yung tao. Alam ko na andyan pa rin yung child in you that saw her beauty as a person. As a human. Remember and tap into those moments.

How selfless and responsible she is sa mga mahal nya sa buhay. How she makes sure na you are comfortable, safe, and even busog at masaya! How she hugs you soo tight every time na magkikita kayo at uuwi ka sa kanila. Yung pag weekends, lalabas kayo kahit sa loob lang nung subdivision, walking lang with aki, o would try new food. O di kaya would stay indoor, manonood ng Jijitsu Kaisen or Demon slayer or HIMYM! Or maglalaro ng Assassins Creed Origins.

How she pushed you to be better. How she believed in you. How she would cook for you lalo na pag breakfast bago ka pumasok sa work, clean the house, and send you tons of flying kisses and I love you's as you head out sa work.

The late night catch up after work, the chismisans, the samgyup, yung food trips, the coffees, the travels together, the slow walking and watching the sunset together. Yung pagtambay sa labas sa gabi to talk about life and your future plans together... Most especially, the slow dance when given a chance to just be intimate kahit saglit lang after a looong week after work. I'll never do any slow dance with anyone again. Will never say "Good night, mahal koo. Sweet dreams and sleep tight". Kahit kanino never ko nabuo yang Good night. Sweet dreams and sleep tight, kasi ikaw lang naaalala ko at sayo ko na lang huling sasabihin yan..

Ang bilis ng panahon. Napakabilis ng panahon.. Now it feels like all of these were just a beautiful dream..

So, hanggang kailan ako mag l-let go? Hanggang kailan ako mag h-heal? It's been a year... Hindi ko alam. Hindi ko alam. How I wish I can dictate myself, especially my brain, my body, and my heart to heal immediately. It's been a year but I'm still crying from everything.. Ang hirap kasi akala ko pag ikaw yung nag let go, madali mag move on. Hindi pa rin pala. Ang sakit pa rin.. Masakit pa rin na hanggang ngayon, siya pa rin nakikita ko to end up with..

I'm sorry self. I'll do my best. I promise I'll do my best. For now, let me embrace the process. This pain that I'm feeling right now. I'll bounce back. I will. Alam ko nakaya ko naman dati to be alone and love myself ng sobra. Nakayanan ko naman tumayo uli after yung first dark episode ko, kakayanin ko uli promise. Just give me time, self. Just give me time.. I'll be okay. It will be okay. Everything will be fine. Soon, it will be all right.