Hello, I recently finished my 1st year of PhD and passed my viva with flying colours. That being said, it was definitely the most depressing and difficult year of my life so far. I applied for this PhD programme 2 years ago, as it was generally aligned with my research interests (which was then cancer biology), at a top 10 UK university, with much higher than average funding and stipend. The PhD is in biomaterials design for biomedical applications. I felt like it was a mistake accepting it, as my real research passion was radiation protection/radiobiology, which was also the focus of my MSc. But I didn't feel like I was smart enough to apply for a Physics PhD and didn't feel competitive for it. Fast forward a few months, I accepted my PhD offer, but also started my MSc project - in radiobiological modelling. I loved it, learned how to core, got a distinction and praise for my dissertation. I considered not accepting my PhD as I realised the research fields didn't align, but then a person very close to me died. I was absolutely shattered with grief and couldn't handle looking for another job and needed money. My PhD experience has been absolutely chaotic - I hated in vivo work so much that I had to change my project title to avoid it - which my supervisor was super understanding about. Ever since then I've been trying to steer my research towards something more relevant for radiation protection, but quite frankly, it seems impossible. I've grown to absolutely hate lab work, stopped coming in. Two days before my first year exam my supervisor said my writing is excellent and I could make a great academic one day, but that I also look absolutely miserable and it's not a shame to quit. I had a mental breakdown over this - I need a PhD as I dream of breaking into the space sector science roles and it's a requirement - moreover, I will not receive second funding from the government. Afterwards I started an internship at a major space agency (radiation protection division) and had the time of my life, I'd never been so happy. I felt good at what I was doing and enjoyed working even 10 hours a day, even though during my PhD I'd feel dead inside after 3-4. I also continue collaborating on some projects from the agency remotely, but it'll never be the same as doing proper research in a relevant field. A lot of people at the space agency had PhDs in disciplines similar to mine, but the thought that I could be doing something relevant to my dream career, and I'm instead stuck in a lab I absolutely hate, getting skills that I absolutely do not need, makes me want to hurt myself. I realise I'm in an extremely privileged position to even have problems like that, but I genuinely feel this one decision completely ruined my life and I hate waking up every morning. What should I do? I feel like my supervisor hates me at this point for wasting everyone's time and money.