After I lost my dog Joshua from Ehrliciosis, I promised myself that I would do better for the others. Today I lost my cat Wilma (and her young) due to sepsis from a birth complication. I was devastated with the loss of Joshua already, today even more so. I feel broken and torn in half. Both deaths were sudden and at both times I heard the news when I woke up. Been bawling and crying my eyes out ever since.

They were both very sweet and playful.

Josh, a black labrador who has the same name as I, was always the goofy and curious one who liked to eat and drink everything in sight. Always game for fetch and was always very loving as well.

Wilma, an American Shorthair, was always very sweet as well. She would always look up at you and ask for head rubs and go sit on your lap and stuff, which was new to me at first since prior to meeting her, I thought that all cats just wanted to be left alone.

I find myself looking at pictures of their breeds and looking if anyone needed to rehome their pet labrador or American Shorthair. I realize that in my doing this, I just really want them back and I can't accept that they've left. One part of me knows that they're gone, and that they can't be replaced. Another part of me just really wants Joshua and Wilma back. I'm not sure if I get pets again.

I have the uncanny ability to remember things which is both a blessing and a curse. I can hear the sounds they make and I can remember the feeling of their fur on me and play those things like a recording in my head.

I can still hear sound Josh makes when he barked and the feeling of his fur on my hand when I stroked his head the last time when I was burying him.

I can also hear the sounds that Wilma made as well. Scratching against the door, meowing to get my attention, and the feeling of my hand when I stroked her head and body when I left her in the vet as well as when I buried her today.

I miss them already.

I have Wilma's collar with me (Josh didn't like collars) and I'm not sure what to do with it. I took her collar when I buried her today with her young. I wanted to keep it as a memento to remember Wilma and how sweet and loving a cat can be. Anyone have any good ideas?