My son passed away at 13… heart failure. He was a mini weenie dog, so he should’ve had more life. I feel so empty. We did laundry the day before… so nothing smells like him. My mouth feels weird not being able to kiss him goodbye. Before I left the house, my mouth would feel weird if I didn’t give him a kiss goodbye right before I left. Strange… but now that he passed on Saturday, it’s always feeling weird. I kiss his box with his ashes now. I hold his box when I go to sleep. I just feel so… empty. He was perfect. And I mean perfect. Such a perfect sweet boy. Really. Not being able to see him when I come home… waking up early on the weekends and not giving him his meds or taking him potty… it’s so weird. The routine is gone… and on top of that… I can’t smell him. I can’t touch him. I can’t pick him up and rock him in my arms anymore. It’s so.. it doesn’t feel right.

It’s not even even a week and I just want another one so bad. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Why would I? I loved my perfect sweet boy… why would I want to replace him so fast? He’s not replaceable. A new one won’t be like him at all…. But I just feel I need another.