TW: dog on dog violence mentioned

I had posted recently in a senior dog community about one of my dogs and preparing for his loss but today I was thinking about it and I realized it’s been about a year since I had to put a different dog down and I just got really sad that I don’t think about her much anymore. Some of which is trauma.

A few years ago, I left a really abusive relationship and my dogs came with me. Some time later I moved in with someone who also had dogs. I moved in with a yorkie mix (m) and an American Bully (f) (125 lbs). My dogs got along fine with each other. The person I moved in with has an old English bulldog (m) and a lab/pit mix (f). All fixed.

When we first integrated them we did careful introductions in a neutral space, plenty of sniffing. Calm, non-reactive humans, etc. which went great. And for a while everything was fine. Then out of the clear blue my American Bully started having issues with the bulldog. Every time he barked at anything (never barked at her), she would attack him. We tried to keep them separated during time he was most likely to bark (we live in a rural area so really only when we got home or someone pulled into the driveway), but they’re such big dogs it was hard to keep them from getting to each other. The American Bully would literally jump the baby gate to get at him.

Eventually I told my ex (who wanted the dog back anyway) that he needed to either take the dog or help me rehome her. He took her. And again, for a while everything was fine.

Then the ex moved in with someone and she has dogs. I warned him not to let the dogs be unattended and honestly to keep them separated if he could. Naturally he didn’t listen and my dog killed his girlfriend’s dog one day for no apparent reason.

Ultimately, we decided she needed to be put down because we didn’t want someone else to take her and have the same problems. Not to mention that if her behavior was caused by the move, etc, it was only likely to get worse in yet another new setting.

She’s buried in my garden now and I planted a flower bed over her and in the warmer months I talk to her when I’m out there. She was a good girl despite everything and I miss her terribly. Her death really shook me and I think I try not to dwell on it but when it does pop up it hurts. I just wish it had been different.