I just had a moment of looking at photos of him and it just hit me, then I looked up at his little shrine I have in my room with his ashes and I started crying. Why does it still hurt so much? It hurts so much and it won’t go away. I’m going to grieve him this hard for the rest of my life and I feel so alone without him. I’ve got a little book I decorate and write to him in, I have his collar and ball and doggy spray on his shrine with his fur, paw prints and his painting he did, and his box of toys and bowl and leads and stuff is still in the lounge room because I can’t bear the idea of putting them away, but I’m still stuck. There’s nothing that I or anyone else can do, I just have to feel it over and over and over and it’s like Groundhog Day with no escape. He’s gone and he’s not coming back and I used to say that I was so sure I’d see him again and now I’m so scared I won’t. I’m so fucking scared I will never see him again, because I know I won’t in this life and only after this life ends but what if I don’t? He was and is my soul mate, my soul dog and I still can’t believe he’s gone. How is he gone??? He was my emotional support dog for ten years and now there’s nothing and it’s so empty. I’ve thought about getting a new dog if I can afford it and I’d love to but I also hold back because it won’t be him and I just want him back. Please universe, please just give him back.