I smoked my 3 day weekend away and feel like shit because I always a tell myself I don’t have enough free time to work on my goals

This is embarrassing for me to admit that it seems easier to just stay off weed all together than to try and moderate.

It’s hard for me to write this since I feel numb, frustrated and confused. I’m sure deeper down I feel angry, disappointed and disgusted in myself.

I’ve taken six months off completely and since fall I’ve been trying to reintroduce and moderate my use.

I failed over and over and noticed I fuck my self by not being completely honest with myself.

If I dose it out under .3 grams and just keep it at one session, I should be fine

But I notice esp when I buy a new stash, that doing this becomes impossible.

Instead I know exactly what will happen. I will not use my k safe like I should. I’ll keep my weed out because i know I’ll want more. Then I binge use. I’ll go from using less than 0.2g in a 24 hr period and skipping a day or two… into smoking several bowls in just a day daily for a few days until I get sick of it and somehow get myself to stop for a few days again.

It’s me the whole time but I ignore or shut out the responsible me.

This happens so consistently and I don’t know why I can’t be honest with myself or stop this loop. Anyone else deal with this and anyone successful at beating that binge using self???

Why is the voice that tells me binge using is great that much more powerful than the eventual shitty outcomes to binge using? It truly defies logic and here I am trying to use logic to address this