The issue is always really bad, and I believe the issue is slowly killing me, it is causing crazy LPR which is causing severe insomnia, massive post-prandial debilitation, and extraordinary psychological distress.

But, when "the issue" becomes even worse is when I started acknowledging it... The times when I can escape from my mind, and think about something else completely unrelated, are the only times I can have a bowel movement. I can take 10 enemas in a row, drink warm tea, and run a marathon, i will feel like I am about to have the largest bowel movement ever, but it literally means nothing. because, I know, know, that this is a behavioral issue now. So people keep suggesting me to take more laxatives or fiber or whatever the fuck but it literally makes ZERO difference if the muscles are paradoxically contracting. there could be this insane pressure bearing down on the sphincter but if the sphincter is wound shut like a cheap marionet doll then nothing is ever coming out. the last week or 2 the extent of how much this issue is destroying me slowly came into perspective, and since focusing more on the issue i haven't had a bowel movement in like a week. i don't want to have another fecal impaction. i don't want to stop breathing at night because of the LPR.