I am a 32 year old mother of 2 boys (4 and 8) I have sole custody of both of them. Each of my sons have different fathers and the relationships I had with their fathers ended with me leaving one and the other cheating on me. I met my old high-school sweet heart about 3 years ago and we reconnected. We live together now with my sons and made a big move from one state to another. While we work together and my oldest son is in school full time and is also ADHD and has Autism. My youngest is at home with him full time which I know can be a strain. My S/O is determined to be a good stepfather to them but to me he lacks compassion and understanding of children. When I ask him to cut them slack he gets noticeably annoyed maybe feeling I'm letting them get away with whatever.

He mainly is a stay at home step-dad to them. They are comfortable with him but things that get on his nerves with them include, my 4 year old talking A LOT or very loudly, both of them wanted to talk all the time, them running around our apartment like they have unlimited energy and ect. Now when they talk loud or a lot he's usually trying to watch something or do something and isn't used to tuning them out. Which often he asks them to go to their room. Even my youngest when he's by himself. I try to explain he's lonely and though my 4 year old can be self absorbed he doesn't seem to know when to be compassionate and when to lay down rules. Like he gets upset when my 4 year old doesn't flush his poop. At times putting him on time out because of this. My S/O is trying very hard which I can tell. But does anyone have advice on how to get him to understand children more? I have tried talking to him but he doesn't fully understand.