My almost 4yo was recently in hospital for nearly a month because of a serious infection. Unfortunately and unavoidably, she endured a fair degree of trauma during the course of her treatment (for example being held down by several adults (including me), while she screamed and struggled, because it was absolutely essential to place a cannula for IV medication). There were multiple incidents of this type, and it was obviously very traumatic for her.

Since being discharged, she has been uncharacteristically defiant. Things like running away from me when we're out, refusing to come back when I call, etc.

I'm fairly sure what she's doing is testing / reestablishing where the boundaries are. Obviously it's not typical for me to physically force her to do something really painful, to let other adults do things she finds frightening and unpleasant, etc. So she's trying to relocate the boundary where "I don't want to" meets "But you have to."

While we work through that, I would like to avoid physical responses as much as possible (e.g. picking her up and carrying her when she refuses to go). Obviously I will if I have to, e.g. if she's in immediate danger. But when it's just boundary-testing, does anyone have any suggestions?