Hi, first time posting here. I've read the rules but if I mess up my post somehow please let me know and I'll fix it asap.

Me and my child have been living in hiding for the past 8 years. I will admit I have been over-protective due to my fear of my ex finding us, which is becoming more of a problem now. Not only has he been making more of an effort to find us, but my child is also reaching a point where they need some independence. They are 9 and it was only the past 2 weeks where I let them for the first time go out into the (unfenced communal) garden without me while I watched from the kitchen window. I let them out because my overprotectiveness led to an incident where they tried to do a runner during a walk. Growing up the pandemic meant they just need some space and time for themself. I realise I cant put this off any longer but I dont know how to balance giving them freedom and keeping them safe.

They're aware that they have a biological father that they dont see because it's for the best, but I dont want to scare them. At the same time I want them to take our safety seriously. I worry about what could happen if i let them anywhere that i cant see them. They arent online yet (i have less but still some fears about that one, they are big on internet privacy because "Jeff Bezos and google are evil villians" but also I've had friends doxxed via the most innocuous twitter posts or details in the background of an IG post) but their friends are. What if they friend someone who has a public friend list? What if their friends posts a picture online and it's enough to find us? Our village is small. One wrong street sign and were done. What if he just drove down our main road by chance and saw my kid?

I just have no idea how to approach this. I dont know how to weigh up the pros and cons of being allowed to develop properly vs the risk of being kidnapped and abused. But if I dont do something, my child's mental health will tank and they'll do something that puts themself at risk.

(I have tried asking for support re: the issues with my ex and impact on my child from child services but the conversation tends to go something like "oh fingers crossed it will be fine, anyway I hear you're being openly queer around your child" so sod going down that route again unless I have to)