I will try to summarise this as quickly as possible. I'm a 40 year old single Dad to a 12 year old boy. I separated from his mum back in 2012. We tried to keep everything amicable. I paid child maintenance through a family based arrangement in which we agreed that I would pay all her utility bills. This was based on me having my son stay over at mine 1 night per week.

We split due to various problems one of been conflicting parenting styles. Another because I had suspicions that she was taking amphetamines regularly on a weekend. Also she was very manipulative and emotionally abusive. I wasn't the best person either at the time. I've got a good job and I've always provided for my son. My ex hasn't worked since my son was born and even though we were separated she would ask to borrow money from me.

About 6 months ago my son started texting me on a night clearly distressed because his mum had a guy round. I talked to my son and I tried explaining that mum is allowed to have a boyfriend. What soon came apparent is that this guy was known to drugs and he would tell my son of the drugs he had taken which were heroin and crack. Obviously alarm bells started ringing but I hoped his mum would see sense. She didn't and she moved this guy in within about a month. My son really didn't get on with him and he started to ask to stay at mine more. Luckily I had moved to a bigger house so it was now feasible and I had also moved near my sons new secondary school so it all worked out well. Prior to this my son was finding it hard living with his mum due to her lying and they just didn't appear to get on. She was also letting our son sleep co-sleep with her at the age of 12.

He started staying at mine 3 nights then it went to 5 nights. I got him sleeping in his own bed and a good routine. I started hearing some really inappropriate things about this guy such as him taking methadone in front of my son and cannabis use in the house. His mum started to appear to be even more broke and started lying to me to borrow money. I had reports of drug dealers visiting the house but these are just from neighbours so I can't be sure how true it is. I phoned social services who told me that the guy was a known drug user and they advised me that I should try to have my son more due to what I had told them and especially because my son doesn't like been there. They also phoned my ex who told them he's on a methadone treatment plan. I spoke to be son about how he felt and he said he wanted to stay with me 6 nights per week so with this and the back ground check on my ex's boyfriend I told my ex that I woukd only allow my son to stay at hers one night per week while her boyfriend is living there.

She agreed and I kept the maintenance payments the same so I was basically paying the same amount to her as if I was only having my son stay 1 night per week. I started struggling financially due to having him stay more and I was still paying for his hair cut, trainers and holidays with no help from my ex. I asked for advice from the Child Maintenance service who said I shouldn't be paying anything in fact my ex shoukd be paying me. I also spoke to citizen advice who said if my son doesn't want to be there then I have every right to keep him here especially if I think he is in danger. I am worried about his emotional, mental well-being. His mum doesn't appear to be able to provide for him and I truly believe her money is been used for drugs and I've been enabling it all with my financial help.

Anyway from this week I've decided to stop all payments to her and I'll be telling her shortly. She's not going to like this as she's already said that she won't be able to manage which I found strange as I have my son basically living here so she should find it easier. I've spoke to my son again and asked him to honestly tell me how he feels and what he wants and he says he wants to live with me.

What brought me here is I was discussing this with an ex of mine just for some moral support and I told her the exact same thing and she said I sounded bitter and i shouldn't try and take my son away from his mum. This really upset me as all I'm doing is trying to keep my son safe and I have no personal issue with his mum. I just don't want my son around that environment.

Am I doing the right thing by my son? The majority of parents I've spoke to have said i certainly am but i can't help thinking that maybe I'm not given what my most recent ex has said.