So I(late 30s M) am getting to the point where something bad is going to happen soon. My daughter has little respect for me, but has no problem stating in line for the most part for my wife, her mom.

Here are a few pieces of info that may be relevant: *Me - Dad, late 30s, work 50 hrs/w *Wife - Late 40s, SAHM. Our marriage is far from perfect. If you look at my post history, you'll see some of the issues between us. She also is dealing with a lot, like a very sick mom. I have issues too. When I get angry or overwhelmed, I shut down. Its a problem I've been working on *My daughter - 8yo girl. She has been "diagnosed" (put in quotes because her condition isn't officially a condition in the DSM-IV) but has received OT which helped her manage things like her feelings, her moods, etc.

This weekend was a bad weekend for my family, and a prime example of what happens when things break down:

Every Saturday, my daughter and I clean her room. Its become routine (the steps in which we clean her room) are easy to remember. We start by removing everything on her bed, then the sheets. We both put the new sheets on, and then she makes her bed on her own. I do help guide her, but I try not to do anything she is completely capable of doing. Normally, she just need help with the sheets, but otherwise makes her bed all on her own without prompting.

This weekend, I don't know if she was just trying to be cute, or just being defiant, and trying to exert some control over me, but as soon as it came to making her bed, she said she forgot. I remained calm, and I told her "c'mon buddy, you know what to do". She insisted many times that she didn't remember the steps, and that I needed to tell her what to do. I responded by saying "lets take a look at your bed, and we can figure out what goes next".

She wouldn't have it. She was getting upset with me, and wouldn't take no for an answer. So she starts crying, goes downstairs to her mother, who is trying to attend to a few matters herself, and breaks down.

Now, if she indeed forget the steps to cleaning her room, thats one thing. But I offered to help her figure it out, to which she flatly refused. My wife ends up, what it fees like, siding with my daughter. She tells her that she needs to create a list of things to do, in order to remember. Fair point, but at what point do we address "Dad offered to help, why didn't you take it?"

then we start working on the list. We get to the part where she "forgot" what comes next. So I explain to my daughter how we can figure it out together. She gets upset (doesn't cry this time) goes running to her mother, and says "daddy won't tell me whats next"

My wife gets pissed at me, ends up pulling me to the side, and starts yelling at me.

Sunday Morning, I'm sit a little uneasy from the previous day with my daughter. I'm a little angry with my wife, as the argument with me was unnecessary . I'm quite, but not avoiding anyone.

To help manage my daughter's mood and mind, we do OT exercises in the morning and afternoon. The last part of the routine is a few balancing acts and yoga-ish moves. During this time, as I am helping her, she decides to stick her rear end out at me. If she does this while giggling, she is joking around, but giving her demeanor towards me, and her lack of giggling, she is doing it to get under my skin.

I very politely (given the previous day's tone, not wanting things to escalate again) tell my daughter that what she is doing is making me uncomfortable, and it isn't appropriate. My daughter continues to be defiant, choosing to point her rear end at me wherever I am. I ask her again to stop.

My wife overhears this, and gets pissed again. She doesn't hear the exact content of the situation, but gets pissed that something is happening again.

I'm at my wits end here. I know that I can't be a pushover when my daughter acts up, and pushes my buttons. From an outside perspective, did I do anything wrong? Should have I given in?

I could spend a whole lot of time adding to this post, but this is a basic example of how my daughter tries to play me.

Any help would be appreciated, even if its anything that I might not want to hear.