Son 14, daughter 11.

My daughter does competition dancing is really good at it. My son just start high school and has been doing martial arts for many years and just started High School wrestling. They both get really good grades.

But when they're home, All they do is either stare at a screen, stare at a TV l, or my son sits on his computer Playing games with his friends. They literally will not do anything else unless we turn off the internet or take things away. My wife seems to agree with me but she won't do anything about it, she would rather not argue with the kids or have them complain the entire time they're off their devices. I see this no different as enabling a drug addict. Then when I'm the bad guy about and do the hard work, gets mad at me for the kids starting a fight with us.

They're also often rude to us. They've called us jerks, stupid, whatever and that's when their things get taken away for longer periods of time and that's when they will get super upset. My 14 year old son pretty much in tears cuz his internet was turned off his computer. When he has consequences sometimes he would blame me for trying to get him in trouble, there's zero accountability. When my daughter has her phone taken away she will often ask us and Bug us about it pretty much Non-Stop From Dusk Till dawn. They will both wake up in the morning on a non-school day in the first thing they do is go to their devices. We have to tell them to come eat breakfast then it's back to their shitty jobs. If we don't interrupt them with meals they would literally be on their shit all day and all night.

If I even suggest my son not be on his computer for a bit and to do something else he will get mad tell me he'll say I'm being annoying or the worst is when they say " in a little bit, I'm almost done"

I want them to have autonomy and want them to take responsibility but leaving them on their own they make the worst choices. Food choices included. My son's not so bad but my daughter will eat cereal and occasionally will cook herself some eggs but left to her own devices she will eat nothing but ice cream and chips all day.

The wife and I are guilty of being on our phones as well but I'm on it a lot for work and the kids don't know the difference. I often hate being on my phone, but I have to for work purposes.

The kids also don't do shit for chores. It's like pulling teeth having them do anything. My son will bitch and complain about walking the dog in the morning before school and will always say something like "why can't my sister do it, she doesn't do anything" , even when she's not home or even sleeping if she doesn't have school that day. Asking my daughter to do something is just as bad, she'll just say "why don't you do it yourself? I'm always doing everything" my wife would rather do things on her own than ask the kids to do it cuz she doesn't want to deal with the headache. She'll get mad at me if I suggest that the kids get off their ass and help with something like putting away the dishes, even clean up their own dishes. My daughter will see one of us working on something or even my wife doing yard work and will have the nerve to come up and ask us for more screen time or ask for her phone back or ask us to buy something that she saw on on the internet.

I feel trapped, I feel like I'm failing as a parent, and I feel like I'm raising people that are going to be terrible adults. I also feel like my wife is enabling this. Whenever I try to talk to her about it she cuts me off and says she doesn't want to fight and she gets mad at me for even bringing it up sometimes.

What do I do.