Can anyone recommend some reading material for my partner? Lately been disagreeing more on how my oldest handles frustration and meets milestones. He is step dad, stepped into the role because my sons dad is not in the picture. He wants to be involved and teach him things, be a parent figure, but sometimes gets frustrated with what I think are normal kid things.

For example, this morning it was shoe laces. My son is turning 8 soon and can’t tie his shoes yet. Partly because this is his first pair of laces. But he’s always been on the late end of normal with fine motor skills. Still can’t cut food with knife and fork either. My son has a low frustration tolerance as well, I can see when he’s struggling to do it, sometimes near tears and he will lash out at step dad and get mad when he tries to help. My partner accused him of “tricking his friends to help him” or “purposely not tying shoes so mom does it for him so we don’t be late”. I don’t think this is true or helpful to say to a kid that is having a hard time learning a task. I’m not saying my sons outburst are okay either. But I see a bickering dynamic forming between them and it’s stressing out my son and partner. I want everyone to get along.

My partner wants to be a father figure, but thinks I’m babying him too much. My son is also querying adhd so this contributes to his learning. My partner has severe adhd as well (diagnosed childhood). So it’s just a mess here sometimes. Please help. Books? Evidence based websites? He wants to learn. We are gonna do a family therapy session as we also have a kid on the way and these parenting differences are challenging us!