just as the title says. i’ll be 8 weeks postpartum on wednesday with our second baby. our first is 2 1/2. when i had him i was diagnosed with postpartum ocd. i was having really vivid and violent intrusive thoughts that i didn’t tell anyone about for a long time. but at 10 months i finally did and was put on meds for it. i continued taking them through my second pregnancy and am still on them now. i haven’t been having the same kind of thoughts this time around but more so anxiety around my baby and my toddler dying. it’s progressively getting worse and tonight is the first time it’s preventing me from sleeping. i have an appointment with my psychiatrist the first week of december as a check in for my med management and im definitely going to mention it to her. idk what my point of posting here is, i guess just to get it out and maybe find some solidarity. my mind is having a hard time discerning between “this is just anxiety” or “this is your intuition… protect your babies”. idk if that even makes sense. i’m so scared about SIDS and positional asphyxiation with my baby and im so scared that my toddler is going to be killed by a car hitting him. i just want these thoughts to stop. i just want to be able to enjoy my baby being a baby. this stage was robbed from me with my first. i wish i was normal and didn’t have mental health issues. i’m jealous of my husband for just enjoying life and not having to deal with this.

thanks for reading.

tldr; i have anxious thoughts about my babies dying and it’s starting to affect my everyday life.