Yeah, it hurts.

I am also one of those kids. My mom beat me throughout my childhood. My dad beat her and she left him before I was born and then he never cared much but still used custody battles and false accusations (not about the things my mom actually did, he made things up) to keep making her life hell. He even told me that he didn't want me, he just wanted "revenge" on my mom. And my mom told me "I should have had an abortion, like your father wanted.".

And I love them both. I feel like I owe them both... My time, my caring, my money if needed, etc. I often have to remind myself that I actually don't.

My therapist once asked me why I like my father. I had no good answer. But I do.

And then, as you say, here we are with our own children... Sure, I've not been perfect, but I've done my very best being a parent while abused and manipulated by my child's father. There are certainly things I ideally should have done but didn't do, but I did my best to be a good mother and I definitely never did anything that my child would need to distance himself from.