A panganay, a son of a former OFW, a semi breadwinner, and a control freak. Don’t get me wrong, I love my Dad. For most of my life he was not there, there was clearly a gap. I was a responsible Kuya, yes I’m claiming it. My first memory from my Dad was these words “Aalis na ulit si Daddy, kayo yung maiiwan dito, ikaw yung panganay, ikaw na bahala sa Mama mo and mga kapatid mo” and sa almost 28 years na pinapapaulit ulit nya yon saken it stuck with me. Bawal akong maging mahina, I have to own up the responsibilities he left. Pag-aasikaso sa Mom ko, sa mga kapatid ko, major decision making. So for the most part I didn’t enjoy my childhood or I didn’t enjoy being an anak kase I have to always step up. As I was getting older, naisip ko siguro naman pag nagretire sya, or even the times na nandito sya sa Pilipinas, pahinga naman ako sa pagiging “Tatay” tipong since nandito ka naman sa Pilipinas, baka pwedeng maexperience ko muna maging anak. 2021, my Dad unexpectedly retired for health reasons (but he’s well now) he can’t go back abroad. We were all unprepared of the shitstorm. My Mom, doesn’t know how to handle finances well, puro loan di naman marunong magbayad, even traumatized us — but that’s a different story. Anyway, walang retirement plan ang parents ko, sa akin pa nagtatanong yung Dad ko kung ano ang gagawin. Ang retirement plan nila is kaming mga anak even if they’re still well and capable. Ako na nga majority nagsusupport sa kanila financially, ako pa din sa decision making, emotional support etc. ending ako yung ubos na ubos na. I grew tired and frustrated. Kaya whenever I go home palaging irritable and mainit ulo ko kase even the petty problems that they should fix as husband and wife, sa akin pa din. I can’t bring myself to greet him today, I understand his sacrifices for us, I understand why he was away, pero at this point in time na nandito yung Dad ko, sana siya naman yung mag step up kasi kahit 28 na ako, gusto ko naman maexperience maging anak na unahin yung sarili ko dahil pagod na akong maging tatay.