I woke up today to one of the worst mornings of my adult life. I am in debt. And tingin ko hindi ako makakabayad on time dahil the company I work for has reduced my workload to 50%. Hindi ko alam saan tatakbo. Kapag pinilit kong magbayad on time, magugutom kami ng mga kapatid ko. Kapag hindi ako nakabayad on time, tutubo nang malaki yung utang and I would struggle more na magbayad.

Then my aunt told me na sinisingil na siya ng inutangan ko earlier this morning. And I just broke down. In fact, di pa ako tapos umiyak while typing this post. I just broke down in front of everyone in the house na nag-aalmusal pa lang. My aunt, the loving and caring bitch that she is, hugged me and comforted me. Which in turn made me even more emotional. Then I said something na I never thought I would tell my family:

Hindi ko naman trabaho 'to. Hindi ko naman responsibilidad 'to.

I just lost it. Ang hirap maging panganay. Pero wala ka naman ding choice kundi kayanin. So heto, nagra-rant lang ako, pero after kong umiyak, hahanap na naman ako ulit ng solusyon sa problema ko. Because apparently, pag problema ko, problema ko lang talaga. Pero pag problema ng buong pamilya, problema ko pa rin. Hay.