I have two siblings, J, the middle child, and T, the youngest. I'm the eldest. Now, for context: my Mom is an emotionally immature (EI) parent—chaotic and struggles with managing our finances. My Dad, who has been overseas for decades and recently retired, has no say in the household. All of us are working now. Lately, I've realized that my Mom won't change. Instead of triggering her and causing chaos, I've developed two manipulation techniques:

1. The "I'm on your side" approach - It's like saying, "Hey, we're in this together. I'm not your enemy. If you want something, let's sit down and calmly discuss the consequences of your actions." It's almost like practicing gentle parenting with my Mom. This approach works because when I talk to her and explain things gently, she usually follows along. She trusts me without realizing that what I say ends up being done. Sometimes I use negotiation skills to find a middle ground.

2. Manage but do not engage - Recently, I read a book called "Adult Children of EI Parents." It was an eye-opener. These EI Parents typically never change. So, I choose my battles, overthinking every word or gesture, considering her mood, mindset, and potential reactions. It's challenging—requires planning, strategy, analysis, and careful execution. Being with her feels like walking on eggshells.

Here's the kicker: I'm the only one doing this. My siblings have a different approach. While I understand their feelings and dissatisfaction towards our Mom, they lean towards being confrontational. Not physically, but emotionally. They believe resistance and rebellion are the only solutions. They often do things that trigger my Mom, leading to endless fights. Since she's not great at communication, she vents to me and expects me to fix it. I used to think fixing things was my role as the eldest, but I lost myself in the process, without Dad's help.

I've spoken to my siblings about it, but they think I'm just tolerating our Mom. I've explained my approach and cited examples, but they're adamant. It's sad to hear their grievances and realize that I might have to carry this burden alone for life. I wonder if what I'm doing is right. I don't expect my siblings to change, but it'd be nice if they tried. At the end of the day, the weight is on me.