I probably started having doubts as a young teenager but properly started calling myself an atheist at the age of 15/16. Nevertheless I had phases where I would start praying again, even at the Masjid.

Nowadays, (I’m 23 btw) I don’t believe in Islam at all and Islamic discussions piss tf out of me. Especially because I remember my dad verbally disowning me when I said I’m not Muslim.

Now, here’s the catch, my dad brought up the idea for going for Umrah and I’m not opposed to it, like I actually wanna go. I also don’t mind praying Jummah sometimes. Additionally whenever I see Islamophobic Hindutva posts I actually get pissed off at that as well.

I don’t know, it’s like I have this weird internal struggle with my identity. I don’t believe Islam is the one true religion a bit. But at the same time I still feel like a Muslim in some ways.

If anyone has any advice or want to share their experiences, I’d be grateful.