I currently have two women I'm seeing. The first I've been seeing like clockwork every week or so. I never let her come over more than once a week, but we'll often spend an entire weekend together in bed, snuggling and sexing. I'm probably a little too lax about this, but whatever.

The other one stopped seeing me about 4-5 month ago. We'd been seeing each other every few weeks, as her schedule allowed, but she eventually decided that she wanted more than just sex and snuggles. And since she knew that I wasn't interested in anything more than that, we stopped seeing each other.

So, in accordance with BlackDragon's LSNFTE rules, I went radio silent for 3 months. Then I contacted her again, seeing if she was interested in hanging out.

Unfortunately, she still wasn't interested. She knew that if we got together I would expect sex, and she wasn't down with that. I figured that was it, she was done with me. Then about a month later I got an STD scare (I later found out it was something else), and contacted her to warn her about it and/or see if I'd picked it up from her. She was clean (-ish, she has herpes but that's not a big deal), but she was touched that I thought to warn her about it. We agreed to try being friends, but 15 minutes afterwards I realized that I would just get sexually frustrated by the situation and that it wasn't going to work. She was a little disappointed by this but not surprised.

A month later I was cleaning out old text messages. I had deleted her number but still recognized the messages, so I thought I'd text her. She sounded glad to hear from me and texted back almost immediately, so I called her to continue the conversation. We talked for a bit about what each of us has been doing since we last spoke.

After the phone call I realized I wanted to see her again. I mean, I had always wanted to see her again, but I thought I might as well give it another shot.

Side-note: occasionally a women will put up ASD even after she's already slept with you. "Let's go over to your place and fuck" will result in a flake, but she'll be fine with "let's hang out to do this completely unrelated thing," even if it means you wind up sleeping with her. So I texted her with an offer to go to an arcade near where I live.

Her response: "You know what sure. I am busy this week. And pretty busy next week but I can do friday the 19. I don't work that day."

:D

Now normally I'd say that planning for 2 weeks out meant she was going to flake, but this woman is really good about not flaking. If she says 2 weeks, she'll meet you in two weeks. In fact, her follow-up texts were all about logistics. "what time should I arrive?", "where should be meet?", "should I bring money?" (My responses: "noon", "my place", "only if you want to play any of the games yourself. ;)" )

Thursday the 18th I texted her to check/remind that we were still on (we were), then on the 19th we met at my place. We hadn't seen each other for close to half a year by this point. She gave me a hug that went on for a long time (I was perfectly okay with this; I like hugs too), then we went to my bedroom where she dropped off her stuff. The arcade didn't open for another two hours, so we talked. She was wearing a black tank-top and after about five minutes of staring at her neck while she rambled on I finally got up the nerve to bite her neck. She enjoyed it and didn't stop me, so I kept at it. My hands wandered all over her body, but when I went to slip my hand under her shorts she stopped me.

No biggie. I went back to playing with the rest of her body. At one point she took her shirt and bra off so I could play with her breasts easier. She loved it when I scraped my fingernails against her skin, and the strongest reaction was when I did this to her stomach, so I slid my hand down further and played with her vagina through the pants. Good Lord, did she love that. Eventually she stopped responding as strongly (I never did figure out why). I moved my hand to slip under her pants, but she stopped me again.

At this point I decided to try a freezeout. I pulled my laptop computer open and booted it up to check my email. She asked me what was wrong, and I told her nothing (as sincerely as I possibly could). She told me I could let her know what was wrong, at which point I gave her a pointed look. She said, "oh", realizing why I might be acting like this.

Turns out she had a herpes outbreak, and didn't want me to catch it. I told her, "all right, but I'd like you to take care of me [implying a handjob] before you go." She agreed to this.

I turned the computer off and we snuggled a bit more. She started talking about why she stopped seeing me, and it turned out that it was a combination of guilt (christian family) and a childhood desire to stay pure for the one she married.

What happened next shouldn't have worked. I have no idea why it worked, and if anybody has any ideas I'm all ears.

Basically, I applied some of what I learned from cognitive therapy. I pointed out that you can believe something is true when you're a kid, even though looking back it isn't true, and described a situation of mine where that was the case. I asked her if the guilt was helping her; if it was making her better, faster, stronger. Was it making her happier? I suggested that it would be best for her to have sex AND not feel guilty for it, rather than her either not having sex or having sex but feel guilty for it. Then I asked her what thought went through her mind when she felt guilty. She said, "I shouldn't have done that", and I pointed out the problems with "shoulds" and "musts": nine times out of ten, they only make us feel worse for no good reason. I suggested replacing "shoulds" and "musts" with "I would strongly prefer X, but if that doesn't happen it's not the end of the world." She said this was similar to what one of her therapists said, and praised me for my intelligence. I won't lie, that felt good. Then I asked her to come up with an alternative response. If she thought "i shouldn't have done this again", what would be an alternative thought to replace it with? I can't remember exactly what she came up with, but it was good stuff.

She also expressed concerns that I would take her for granted and stop seeing her. I explained to her that I saw all relationships as temporary, so I couldn't make any promises about the future. However, I also explained that I would never see her as just another HB. "No matter what happens, you will always be [her name] to me." She thanked me for being honest with her, and it didn't sound like she was at all disappointed.

We snuggled a bit more and then went to the arcade. I kicked ass at Dance Dance Revolution (my single favorite video game) while she struggled with beginner mode, then we played some foosball (I went easy on her but kicked her ass on the last 3 balls of each round). Then we went back to my place.

We had sex and she was really into it, moaning and screaming and yelling. At one point she gasped out, "why did I ever stop seeing you?" I didn't come (big dick problem; even large condoms are a little too tight), so after she finally got too sore to continue she finished me off with her hands.

We snuggled a bit more, then she offered to take me out to eat and she would pay for the bill. I suggested a nearby Thai place we'd gone to once before and she leapt at this.

I love it. I'm such a valuable male that she gets to take me out and cover the bill. As in, that's a privilege for her, and I could just as easily turn the offer down. I won't lie, I giggled a bit at this.

We ate, went back to my place, snuggled just a little bit longer, and then she left. She lost her phone on the bus, so if I haven't heard back from her in a week or two I'll contact her via facebook.