Hey everyone :) I saw a video on YouTube recently about love. It described love as “the willingness to always take the best possible interpretation of someone’s actions.” Many of us suffering from self-hate do the opposite, always choosing the worst interpretation of what we do.

I remember when I was 14 and really suffering from POCD (I’m 21 now and thankfully I don’t have POCD anymore) I used to refuse to be kind to myself because I thought I didn’t deserve it. This is exactly what OCD wants. Think of OCD as a parasite that is living in your brain, obviously it’s a mental illness not a parasite but it helps to think of it as not a part of you. OCD wants to continue existing and controlling you. It wants to get stronger. If you make commitments like “I am uniquely bad and I will never be good to myself” you’re allowing the parasite to keep taking a stronger hold.

If instead you worked to improve your self-relationship, began choosing the best interpretations of your actions, OCD would become weaker. It can’t convince you that intrusive thoughts make you a pedophile (worst interpretation) if you choose to believe that they’re just evidence of a mental illness (best and most accurate interpretation).

Here are some things you can do to improve your self-esteem:

• if there’s a particular compulsion you’re struggling with, make or buy a sticker chart and put a sticker for each day you stay strong! You can also use a calendar for this.

• journaling to get to know yourself better, write as if you’re writing to a friend then respond to yourself later!

• taking good care of your body, gently showering with nice-smelling soaps, eating three meals with protein at each, drinking enough water, trying to sleep enough

• writing a compliment on a sticky note (or more than one!) and putting it on your mirror

• instead of isolating in your room, spend time with people who care about you, or go make new friends by joining a club or sport

• doing things you enjoy that you did as a kid. I loved reading and I started forcing myself to read again. It’s really enjoyable and peaceful :)

• if you have a pet, you can notice all the ways you take care of your pet, and how much your pet loves you!

I totally understand resistance to the idea of choosing to be kinder to yourself. It’s okay if you’re not ready. Maybe start with just a sticky note, and if you don’t have any ideas, write one of these: “I like that I am willing to try new things” “I like that I support others” “I do my best to be a good friend” “I honor my commitments”

If you read all of this, thank you, I’m glad you’re here!