In the beginning we dated long distance so and I noticed that luke clockwork every month there would be a bad month but it was easy to push aside as I could just scroll on my phone if she had an episode on the phone and from what I could see she was strong and emotionally stable. Fast forward and we have moved in together and dont get me wrong she is amazing, takes care of a lot for me, loves me so so much and alot of other great qualities.

However I personally am not the type that is a caretaker I preferto be around people who are strong and dont count on others for too much support, obviously I am not an asshole and dont expect my partner to never come to me for support. Buuuut in this relationship with PMDD, possible autism, trauma, and insecurities it feels like there is always something going on, ie: someone said something she doesn't understand and she is confused and insulted, or she is feeling insecure and ugly, or she believes I am going to leave her for someone else. Its ups and down, high highs and low lows, I've found myself disassociating, in functional freeze, feeling like I cant talk to her because I dont feel safe to bring something up,and some days just not wanting to go home.

Lately my intrusive thoughts keep veering to breaking up and I don't know... I know she genuinely trys hard to be better but stress from work, therapy taking so long to get started, vaginal issues, and everything that I have mentioned previously I feel like my peace has been taken. I know a relationship isnt smooth sailing and everyday is bliss but this just feels like a 2nd job...

Idk I'm just venting and dont know what to do... but this community is a good one with genuine people so happy to listen to your thoughts.

Thanks