Long one, but ive been on a long road.

I've been on this path of my wife defending the evidence of pmdd and her behaviors associated with the schedule of her cycle for almost 6 months.

Every month the tension, the lash outs, the disagreements, the lack of intimacy, the mood swings, lethargic energy levels, debilitating migraines, and the accusations of lying and cheating, and the guilt tripping starts and ends right about on schedule. I have been quietly documenting it daily in my journaling.

She hasn't been tested for hormone levels. She has "checked the box" on a few steps with minimal effort. Then the next month she is "not on board with the pmdd theory".

I asked her to communicate her cycle to me so I know what's happening when and i can help support her. She said it was "weird" that I would track her cycle regardless of her help or not.

We have digressed to the conversation that it is her theory that I HAVE a mood disorder associated with her cycle. She mentioned that she really thinks it's a codependancy attachment style, and I need to see a therapist. Her next offer to work on our relationship was to send me a meme from a page her girlfriend follows that explains DA (dismissive avoidant) behavior and this is why I won't work on the things she asks me to... 😳

Her latest "check the box" was to agree to see a therapist on virtual app and work on some of the thoughts and feelings she has been having. Two sessions in and after a blow up in our house in front of our kids where SHE physically confronted me, bumping her face and head into mine... it's time for ME to speak to her therapist.

This incident was around day 18 of her cycle (by my calendar) and I did not expect it was luteal because it was too early, which was not normal.

I agreed to schedule with her therapist as I was eager to see what they thought of all this, plus I wanted to see what she knows of pmdd and the specifics of the physical incident about a week ago. I just avoided her most of what I thought was luteal leading up to the appointment.

Well, a few days before the appt, it's menstruation time! I was off on my count because of an early period last month. She was at day 24 on the day of the incident, in the middle of luteal and I didn't know it!!! After she started her period, she did her normal turn-about, she was loving again, "we can do this", and "thank you for seeing my therapist"... she even messaged the therapist the morning of the appt saying how "we've made some progress in communication" in the last 24-48 hrs... 🤣

I don't have the time to go into my hour long session with her therapist, that's probably enough for another post, but when I hit all these points for her, told her of my wife's theories on my psychological disorders, told her i was part of an online "support group" for partners for pmdd, attend my own therapy, have been improving my life and my habits for the last 5 years straight, told her I have documented everyday of the last 6 months and that this will change or the kids and I will not be in the house anymore, and then asked her to guess when the latest blow up happened... the therapist knew exactly what was going on.

My point in this post is that if you do the work and you know the difference between right and wrong and you have a situation like mine... there is hope. People will see and they will listen. You have yo be your own hero because nobody is coming to save you, but there is hope when everyone around you is trying to gaslight you into insanity.