My wife has been going through a slow process of trying to disprove anything is wrong with her behavior on any given cycle and that she doesn't have PMDD over the course of the last several months, as I'm just building instance after instance that we only have emotional disagreements and conflict during luteal.

She currently trying to gaslight me into believing that it's a self fulfilling prophecy for me.... that I'm making my own luck.

She has asked her OB about it and said "her partner has a problem with her cycle, what could be done". The OB (probably chuckling) obviously told her there was nothing that could be done (for me)... so sent her out to look for herbs. She tried DIM and I'm trying to watch for improvements.

I've read OBs dont help diagnose and that's not their focus (from the main PMDD sub) because they're worried about babies.

My wife is an OT, so she goes to the DSM like it's a bible. My therapist told me it's a waste of time and was created for insurance coding. Every section of DSM-5 states that it's down to the subjective opinion of a professional MD to diagnose.

She confronted me the other night, screaming at me for having tracked her period and telling her she was in luteal. She said "the DSM says proper diagnosis requires at least 5 episodes a month!! Do you think I have 5 episodes a month?!?!"

I honestly said "no, I think you have one long episode a month with a few smaller outbursts during that time that generally get better when you have your period".

I just read it this morning.

She didn't even read it correctly.

It states "at least 5 symptoms occurring..." with a couple required from a subset of the list.

I came to this sub first because of the nature of my wife actively fighting getting tested, seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist vs. OB, or getting tested for vitamins, nutrients, or HRT. I am fighting her as much as battling PMDD.

Does anyone here have any advise on how to at least talk to her, or help her get an objective diagnosis.

I don't care what it's called or how it's treated as long as it gets better. I'm not looking to be "right", I'm looking for help and teamwork. I'm really trying hard not to let my ego get in the way here and be crushed by the fact she just doesn't give AF about how I'm dealing or not dealing with her mood swings and personal criticism, not to mention the lack of affection and intimacy for 1.5-2 weeks a month.

She checks almost every symptom on this list, once a month, with the exception of the ones that "she" would have to be honest about. Still makes at least 5 from observation.