Being assertive and fogging for the win. Fended off a giant emotional war and a fight last night just by listening to a damn audio book on being assertive and avoiding manipulation through criticism.

I spent about half the physical effort and stress, but it was a pretty tough mental struggle and it was work to not get offended or be defensive. We spent about 2 hours going over all the things she said about me and my behavior that was "wrong". I kept asking "is that it...", "let me get this right...", "I dont understand what about ____ is wrong..." and "I understand that's how you feel"... negative inquiry and fogging.

I felt like a damn ninja. Taking blows that never landed and not throwing anything back.

There was nothing she could do to make me upset and visibly affected.

She ended by apologizing, walking back her words, crying, and taking some time for herself to think about it all.

This is NOTHING like our normal nuclear fights that always end in me "overpowering" her and wearing her down to quit, or stonewalling her to make it end.

The interesting part is I was willing to hug her and feel affectionate at the end, which is her thing not mine (not at all my normal feeling, sometimes for days).

Side note, when it got to the part about the PMDD discussion I told her I knew things would level out soon because today was day 29 and she should be on her period today, or soon. She snapped back "ha, jokes on you, I went on my period yesterday". I told her I've been on alert for over a week and because her cycle is 28 days and not 29 days doesn't mean it hasn't helped me to know when to walk on eggshells.

I pointed out the several fights in the last week were avoided by talking to her like I was now and not taking all the nasty things she says about me personally. She was quiet for awhile and I think the light came on.

Try it out fellas... read and learn. Manipulative criticism and avoiding conflicts is my main issue with my partner and pmdd.

Ps: the book is "when I say no I feel guilty"