I am at the beginning of this journey in trying to discuss PMDD with my wife. I am 100% convinced at this point and I am just gathering all conclusive evidence so when she's out of her cycle, we can try to progress plans forward, we can discuss things civilly and I can try to establish healthy boundaries. I would like couples therapy to help us.

I learned it was her trigger to even mention PMDD and ask questions about it, so I avoid it at all costs during her cycle. She got upset when I shared that because she wasn't helping me track her period for us when I asked for that, that I was doing it on my own out of self preservation... you would think I just told her I was having an affair.

I am continually faced with scenarios where I will repeat something she has said to me when she was raging ay me, back to her later after she's calmed down, and I'll ask about her intentions or ask her to clarify how she felt when she said it. Sometimes I am just repeating it when I tell her how it made me feel and what I need from her to feel better.... I'll be met with a response and a look like I'm absolutely bat shit crazy and her insistence that she never said those things. This simultaneously disregards my feelings and provides a defence for her.

This could be the next day, or it could be just 20 mins later, after I've removed myself from the scenario and she comes to find me for round #2. I have learned to not be aggressive during these times.

This obviously starts an argument immediately unless I can be present and savvy enough not to fall for it. I hate that it makes me second guess myself and sets my insecurities on fire. I asked for her understanding that it could be misinterpreted as gaslighting and I'm not the one that should be keeping track of what she is saying, she should be.

I tell her if she wants a second chance to amend what she said "now is the time to correct the record", but she stays on the fact I was wrong and she never said the things.

Ultimately I end up diffusing things and agreeing with her record "she never said the thing, I made it up, I should get my head checked, I'm probably insecure and heard what I wanted to hear"... which gets her off the hook and just gives her the validation the next time it happens.

I feel like some of it is rage and dishonest communication. I feel like maybe a more reasonable assumption is that she actually has no idea what she is saying when she is on a rant and in the cycle.

Does anyone else notice temporary amnesia to what is said or what is happening during PMDD episodes?