I know I have PMDD and was diagnosed about two years ago . Why does it hit so much harder some months than others ?

It definitely started yesterday , all the signs are there . All of a sudden things that roll of my back make me imagine punching walls . Shaking and crying because my family didn’t do their dishes the night before so I couldn’t make breakfast . Crying all day barely able to get out of bed . Drove to the gym , sat in the parking lot and went home ( the gym is my safe space and most meaningful hobby .) Went to my favorite cafe and tried fro do school work And had to leave because I couldn’t stop starting to tear up .

I’m a very mentally well person , I struggle with ocd and anxiety but handle it very well . Yesterday driving home from the cafe I have the “ it would be easier to just like not be alive or hibernate until this is over “ because of how bad it feels .

I only work 3 days bc I’m a full time student right now and the thought of going to work makes me want to curl up in a ball , but being at home and in bed sucks just as much because of my self deprecating and hopeless thoughts . I lose all my motivation and positive thoughts about my future . I become a different person .

I finally called Medicaid and got a provider yesterday after being uninsured since I turned 26 and not having access to my meds . That little bit of Prozac the week leading up is a game changer and I can’t believe I’ve been neglecting getting back on track with it .

Anyways , I just keep reminding myself my mind is playing tricks on me and this isn’t actually how I think or feel . But ugh 😫 I just want this week to be over . Can’t wait to get my period .