Last night, a big fight over nothing (me recommending movies that I don't know if she'll like is a sign I lack empathy). In searching for 'PMS fight pattern' came across PMDD. WOW. Every single fight we have happens the week before her period, as acknowledged by her. But she feels me bringing up the fact is condescending (and yes, this is with mutual understanding of society's constant surveillance of women and the dismissal of their feelings, historically, as hysteria). So how to bridge?

I would appreciate more information, impressions, anecdotes or links to research to describe the following.

1. Are these key traits highly correlated with PMDD?

- Feeling that she's being accused or blamed: When in her luteal phrase, she takes questions and comments as accusations. For example, yesterday she took the questions "Why didn't you go study abroad? Would you have liked to?" as "Why didn't you want it bad enough?".

- Feeling that no one empathizes with her/feeling relations are unequal: self-explanatory. Happens with childhood friends, mostly.

- Feeling she's not good enough: she's a pretty well-known and talented artist in the city, even parts of the country we live in (Germany). But she still feels insecure about if people like her, and this self-doubt seems to flare up during luteal phase.

- Insomnia/restless sleep/fatigue: She has, I believe, lingering night terrors and sleeps better when I'm with her.

- Complete 180 turn once period comes: again, as she accepts, everything becomes better once her period comes. But the change is drastic, so much it doesn't seem like PMS (based on my experience with past partners or AFAB friends.

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2) I suspect some moments in her life are connected to this. Anyone know, anecdotally or through research, if they might actually be?

- She has been known to have anger issues since she was a teen

- She once was diagnosed - later undiagnosed - with BPD.

- She had night terrors as a child and continues to be afraid of sleeping alone

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3) How to communicate? Should I wait until her period has come? I fear if I share right now, she'll see it as an accusation or me trying to deflect 'blame.' In her words (as I have mentioned PMS as a potential pattern) I am blaming her for something that is normal. Thing is, PMDD describes her so much, and while indeed normal, I'd want to encourage us to find ways to manage it.

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Thanks!