I don't know how else to put it. It's bad this month, I've pulled all nighters the last 3 nights involuntarily. I really think I might leave my partner now, idk what's normal. The depression is REALLY bad this month, to the point I want to kms but I know I won't, but I'm just so exhausted of experiencing this for so long. I was diagnosed with ROCD this month too, so it really makes my brain a disaster.

I literally cried myself to sleep last night planning how I was going to leave him, and fantasized how my new life would be. As soon as the tears stopped, I seriously had no idea why I was even having these thoughts and that the world is OK.

I just feel like everything is fake, I'm the one seeing the world for how it is, and feel entirely unmotivated to just live life. I just want to do nothing and sleep. I want to tell my partner to fuck off. I literally had therapy yesterday and we broke everything down and I felt better, but now I'm sinking and don't see a way out. It's like my brain decided everything I learned in therapy is old news, and I have to take on these thoughts without that rationale.

I know tomorrow when I finally get my period, I'll be wondering what the hell I was even thinking. But for now, the world is ending. Even when I think I got all my coping methods down...it still catches up to me.