My weight has fluctuated for decades. When I lose weight I love the way I look in the mirror but this time and last time I got this uncomfortable feeling. Like I'm disappearing or something. My thighs stop touching. Arms stop rubbing. Rings start falling off, pants start falling off.....it makes me feel kind of empty. Like I'm fading away. Frail.

120 is my ideal weight according to the charts. I remember last time I lost the weight. I got down to about 135. I look at the photos of myself and see how great I looked but I remember thinking "Nope. I'm done. No more shrinking." My tailbone was sticking out. Sitting was uncomfortable. I got blisters on my coccyx when I used the rowing machine. Then I tried to just maintain at 135 but as soon as I stopped losing I started gaining again so I guess I shouldn't have stopped.

I'm actually not that excited about losing the weight this time but I know it's healthier and I need to. I'm not getting any younger, and the older we get the less our skin bounces back. It's healthier to be underweight than overweight. I guess I'll just do it....