My only happiness is binge eating. I go to work, i talk with my colleagues, i go home, doom scroll, watch porn and go to bed.

Lets say that i was skinny. Then what? I would still not like socializing because in my 29 years of age i have concluded that socializing is one big power struggle, where everyone subconsciously tries to dominate and its all one big popularity contest. People keep talking over me, interrupting me, i see that most people just want to be heard and not to listen. If looking better with my achieved physique will open new social doors for me, then that doesnt motivate me because i genuinely find MOST people insufferable. The rare genuinely humble and nice people that do let me talk and we mutually hear each other and it doesnt feel like a contest for power, already like my fat self and dont care about how i look. The rest of them just talk over me or insult me as a “banter” or “joke”.

So any social benefit is not a motivator.

A significant other? Even if i was to lose weight i would still be bald and have moles all over my head and body, so i am not going to get much of a boost. I will still be insecure because of the aforementioned physical traits.

So why lose weight and maintain it? My only and last joy to be removed? Because i will be healthier and live longer? Because i will fit easier in clothes and not sweat my ass off when its hot? Yeah, that would be nice but its not a reason enough to strip out my only feel good thing.

I dont like people, i tried for 8 years to force myself to like them, i cant. Maybe and i hope they get better with age and time, but at the moment 20 somethings are just a-holes, the hundreds i have ran into. I am so meek naturally that they always cant control their dominating nature to walk over me in subtle but clear ways.

Can you help me find a reason to stop binge eating?