Recently I've just given up, been too scared to get health issues fixed because of some stuff that has happened almost 2 years ago. I don't know if I should keep going, I don't know if I should give up or not. I'm kinda conflicted and in a hole of debt, emotional issues, as well as psychical issues. Mainly just feel stuck and no matter what happens in life I'll always be in a downwards spiral. I know life is a series of ups and downs. I also understand things could be far off worse for me. I feel like I cannot get closer to God neither humble myself to get the help I need because of shame, embarrassment and also just the way I've been feel lately. I understand I'm only in my early twenties but I just don't know what to do. I know I shouldn't lean on my own understanding but I'm completely lost. I feel no use for my life but I also feel as if something may happen to were ill be thinking about thod years later and appreciating what has happened. Loneliness, despair, giving up. I really have no idea when to to do. I don't feel normal, I understand there is no such thing as normal but I feel like my life is slowly fading away for nothing.