This is mostly a rant but hopefully some will take notice -- swingers, stag and vixens, and bulls.

Wifey went "window shopping" and found some "bulls" over on r/OregonMenGoneWild and r/r4rportland to chat with and see who was up for some fun. She must have spent damn near two months chatting with about twenty --maybe even thirty-- guys and not one of them made the cut. It's not that they just didn't make it, they completely missed it by a mile.

When I asked my wife what she had found, expecting some fun answers, she just said that the appeal was gone and maybe next year. LOL. Yeah probably next month but seriously, wtf guys? She showed me the chats and just wtf are you all thinking? I'm tossed between thinking that you're all a bunch incels or stuck in junior high mentality. Almost none of you know how to even talk with a woman. You're not a "bull" you're not even something the cat would play with.

If you are going to call yourself a "bull", you need to

• Maintain an erection. Glad that you admitted it but holy fuck, if you know that you have this problem, why are you calling yourself a bull???????

• Serve the couple, specifically her, NOT yourself. (I don't give a shit what you want to do, tell us what you can do for her).

• Not be a two-pump chump. (Kind of goes with not being able to stay hard).

• Bathe prior. (Offering to drive three hours and then say, "I'll arrive ready to pounce" and when she follows up with, "don't you want to shower first", the only acceptable answer is, "Yes".)

• Clean shaven (beards are okay but I'm talking about neckbeards. I'm still a little lost on how you go to the gym and spend a couple hours a day working but then show off the actual fucking neck beard)

• Ask questions. Going back to you serving the couple.

• Maybe we're a little sophisticated here or maybe because we aren't 13 years old but text speak is really a big turn off. You're supposed to be presenting your best self here, not some childish moron.

• Yeah, we're going to make you wear a condom you fucking idiot.

• We will check your profile here...... Two parts to this. First is that if you say one thing and your profile or history says the other, "Bye!". Liars and cheats are not going to fly. Second, some of you are twisted lol. And thristy! LOL you'll fuck anything, and I damn near mean anything! This was kind of on her since she didn't check a few out before she contacted them but she won't make this mistake again. Holy fuck some of you are fucking thirsty!

• Yeah, verification is a thing for even so called bulls

• We see that you have a dick, great! You now meet 1/10 of the lowest of the standards, now, what about the rest of you? Women don't really care about your dick that much, they want the rest of you and what you can do for them.

• If you're all about your dick size, it's probably a good indication that the other 9/10 of the important parts and pieces of what makes you a good bull are going to be missing.

• YES!! It is against the law to not disclose you having an STD!

We didn't even put an ad out, she went straight for the guys who call themselves bulls and were in shape. I'm sure that there's going to be some butthurt dudes reading this who she ghosted, consider this your "sorry, it's you, not me" reply.

She'll pick up the search again next month I hope but seriously, wtf??? If you call yourself a bull, at least think about what it means.