I know how when ones mind is made up that my words may have no avail but some of y’all’s posts in the past have dissuaded me for some months. ANYWAYS, LISTEN UP! Only 5 months ago did I decide I wanted to pick up again. Everything I had built up in 3 years: 100k a year salary, respected within my community, my own car, insurance yadayada… NOW: Spiraling out of control in addiction. Meanwhile being completely self aware as you piss away your true friends and family; your credit score, your savings, your housing… your pride. You know that you need to stop but you just don’t and that makes it all much harder… I miss my family. I was 22 3 years ago today and my dad, my best friend, was on his way to see my mom who had already passed on in 2016. The hospice nurse had given my sister and I the rest of the morphine to slip under his tongue to end his suffering with enduring lung cancer. The last 6 weeks he was with me I had shown him that I could get clean. I had no choice. I lived with him and If I wanted to grow up, this would be the time. Found housing and a job while he started his transition into assisted living. He finally had peace knowing I was ready but I had so much I wanted to apologize for, so much I had wanted to ask him. All he said was just keep going and don’t give up. As I typed this out and recounted the first 2 months in recovery I don’t feel so hopeless… this community is a life saver. I love you all. If anyone is alone these holidays please don’t be afraid to DM me.