I’m not sure what I’m hoping to get out of this really. I just… I keep picking up my phone to text my person because I can always get something on Wednesdays. Haven’t missed one this year and not sure how long it’s even been. But I just started Day Five clean and man I just keep doing 3-5 days over and fkn OVER and I’m just going through the worst part of acutes constantly. And then life isn’t worth it.

I can picture it being worth it when I’m high or at least not in wd. Sort of like it’s easy in the evening to tell yourself you can and will go for a run in the morning. And it’s Never at all like that in the morning, unless it’s already a habit it feels impossible and like the worst thing ever.

I don’t know, I guess I’m curious if any of you feel similarly and want to share what you do while teetering on the brink? Odds are I’ll have already given in before anyone even sees this but since I typed it out may as well post it in case it’s helpful next time or for someone else.