My boyfriend is currently in jail because I’m an idiot, got scared after he relapsed again and tattled to his probation officer. For some reason, I thought she’d just send him to a long-term rehab and he was escalating, his mom and I panicked and thought the best thing to do was ask her to drug test him. Best girlfriend award over here, thank you.

That said, he was sentenced to 364 days, is working to reduce that time and is coming home in April. A few weeks ago, he called me to thank me for basically getting him arrested and said this was probably the only way he was going to get sober. He has 4 1/2 months now and is talking about how clear-headed he feels and that he finally feels excited about doing mundane, sober people things.

This coming from the guy that would stare at me and his mom and genuinely ask us how we go through life sober lol.

So he’s coming home in a few months. He wants to move out of the area asap, so I’ve been saving up for an apartment for us about an hour away. It’ll just be me and him and I need advice on how to handle things in that situation.

I don’t want to do the tough love approach in the event of a relapse. Every time I’ve tried that, just leaving the situation and turning my phone off or whatever, he just escalates and escalates and usually ends up in the hospital. I also hate being around him when he’s on opiates - he gets super hyper, running around flapping his arms, searching every inch of the house for more, and the itching. It might seem superficial but I can’t stand the idea of our new neighbors seeing him like that and automatically labeling us.

I asked him what I could do in that situation, and he said to stay with him until he sobered up and the guilt after would help him. And I agree, I’d never leave him alone with all of the tranqdope coming out of Philly but what else can I do? What helps you guys, or what do you wish your partner did?

I work super long shifts four nights a week so just for peace of mind, I’m putting petcams in the apartment and he agreed, but what else can I do to have him live with me without enabling him?

Edit: forgot to add. He’s going to keep subs on hand and start smoking weed. We do MDMA occasionally and I’m okay with occasional recreational use or trying things - he’s adamant that 100% sober will never work for him and at this point I believe it. So I’m trying to toe the line between this and enabling as well.