My wife and I began swinging on our 29th anniversary trip to Vegas. Soon after, I began to have a frequent front row seat to her giving guys oral, mostly as I fucked her (we swapped same room, foursomes and did MFMs with couples and single males). It turned me on to see her doing it but it also looked so damn fun it made me want to join her down there. I began to realize my desires and shared them with my wife. She was appalled and said it was never going to happen. I tried to forget about it but it's been over a year and my yearning hasn't gone away. We tried stopping with single males so I'd always have another woman to focus on (which helps) but with couples play, we sometimes still spitroast her. Or the other gal. I love watching her give head but I also (later) start to feel frustrated I can't participate. I love the ladies and have had some amazing sex with some stunning women but I also have delayed ejaculation (even with my wife) and will fuck/get sucked for the better part of an hour or more without coming. This typically ends up like this: my wife has gotten the other guy off at least once and he & I have given both ladies several orgasms. But it's like everyone is watching (and waiting) for me to finish. Everything feels fantastic and I am loving all of it. I get close several times and maintain my erection (even with a condom). The ladies, bless their hearts, are trying so hard to bring me off but sometimes to no avail. Any time a male mentions bi play in chat, she puts an end to it. Every now and then I will bring it up but she is adamant it will not happen. I remind her of how she gets to enjoy both members of a couple (if the girls agree) but I can't. Her reply is that I'm into her playing with both (she rarely gets excited about being with a woman but does it because "you like it") but she not only isn't into me being with a man, the idea repulses her. So I drop it. She says she can't control the fact that it grosses her out any more than I can control the fact that I want to. And I agree. But it's such a double standard. Recently a single male we played with messaged us about how the female half of a couple convinced him to let she and her husband suck his cock and how he returned the favor and sucked the husband off with her. I thanked him for sharing as he risked our friendship by telling us but maybe (if my wife ever decides to do it) he'd be someone we could contact. He said he'd be down but her response to him was, "No way. Sorry." So, as a result of this conversation, we have decided to stop the lifestyle. She is sad and says she feels like our marriage is in jeopardy. I told her I will never do anything to cause us to split up. We are very much in love and she still turns me on. She says she feels like a terrible person for not wanting to let me do it but she says she would absolutely look at me differently if I sucked a cock. Now our oldest son is gay and we are both completely supportive of him (and all LGTBQ people) but she says the difference is she doesn't have to see what they do in their private lives but she would with me. Even if I did bi stuff separately without her she says it would be the same. Knowing I have done it would change the way she would see me. I don't want to ruin our marriage by acting on these desires. I've gone 30 years without it and I'm sure I can go 30 more. But I also don't want to resent her (sometimes I do) for engaging in all sorts of sexual scenarios and living out her fantasies (which I totally support) while preventing me from living out mine. Even though we've stopped and may not ever play with others again, I'm pretty sure I would still get upset by how much more she got to do than I did. We fought this weekend and she said, "Fine! Set it up with a single male or a bi couple! I'll be there! And we'll deal with it!" I don't want to do it like that. I want her to be into it but I know she isn't and may never be. But I don't want to live with her looking at me as less of a man. I am going to see a sex-positive therapist this week to see if they can help me deal with these feelings rather than act on them. Please no hate for my wife. She may not be very understanding or supportive but I don't feel she can decide to feel differently. Thoughts?